Isabel's Return

I'm sure I was dedicated as a child. I certainly don't remember, but I bet I was dressed in white, with a little bonnet on my bald head.(Not so bald anymore) I just wanted to take the time to thank my parents for returning me to my creator. It may seem like a small gesture of faith, but I think it's a big deal. God thought enough of it to test Abraham through Isaac. Are we really willing to follow through on dedication? In the past 7 years, I have fallen short on my end of the deal, since the birth of my first son. We pray every night, we go to church every chance we have, we read scriptures together, but sometimes my example hasn't been "what Jesus would do." In spite of me, and my shortcomings, my son Isaac received the Holy Ghost Sunday, Novemmber the 6th, 2011. I felt such elation, my heart swelled within me. We have done SOMEthing right! It was such a motivation in my own spiritual life. I am ashamed that I have let cares of this life deter me from the path I set out to follow. I do try, though, to let my children know, I am not perfect, and that we ALL need forgiveness. Maybe showing some weakness is good, at least they don't feel like they have to be perfect, only forgiven. Dedication to me is a promise, a promise to love them, and show them how to get to heaven to the best of our ability. I truly cannot express how much I love them. It is indescribable, no match for words can I find. And with that being said, God loves us even more than that. So we must let Him know, let Him know we trust Him with our most prized posessions, our hearts.
Isabel, I love you, you have been a sweet dream that I never have to awake from. And God loves you, too. Always follow Him, and you will never fail to meet my approval. Success, to me, is always trusting, believing, and serving God. I pray you find Him early, and NEVER let go. But, if you ever do let go, always return, He will be waiting. Heaven is real, and it's worth every sacrifice.

More funny

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative, but I heard from it the other day after I said,

"Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?"

Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen fatty.....do it and die."

                                    -?Maxine

Too Funny

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But...if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....you either married it or gave birth to it.
                        -sounds like Maxine

Isabel

Thought we were threw
little we knew
divine grace, blue angel eyes
perfect size
you came into our lives
perfect day, perfect time
big plans we have
but you'll change them all
one day
owning that shopping mall
still hard to believe
you are mine
on loan
just for a time
we keepers of a beautiful flame
vow of God means her name
who will she be?
how beautiful?
how sweet?
only time will tell
Isabel

Micah

Been here before
but not with you
brand new world
brand new you
more like me than you'll ever know
brown eyes, dark hair
all aglow
changed our lives for the better
like a beautiful love letter
straight from God
meaning like God
I'll hold your hand
until we die
or until into another heart you'll fly
lucky her
but I was first
through the good and through the worst
wouldn't trade a day
God smiled on me
gave me Ray
I'll never be all you need
I'll be replaced
one day
by another she
Never be another like my
Micah

Isaac

You rested
inside of me
9 months
were one with me
hearts beat together
as one
in more ways than one
love grew
fathoms deep
no way to know
who you would be
only a name
to start the glee
who knew
what would come after
your name means laughter
my heart was too small
to hold it all
i made room
for more to come
God knew you before me
formed your face
with care to be
lovely and magic
Isaac

Autumn and Me

My favorite time of year, Fall. Properly named, because I fall in love with it every year. Since I was a child, I could smell it in the air. I actually know the smell.... it is a wood burning, leaf browning smell. I can't explain it any better, but I know that I could sit outside and just.......... breathe.........the whole season long... if I had no responsibilities... of course. I do, though, so I just get to enjoy it in passing these days. I got married this time of year, so that my anniverseries would have a beautiful background, so they do. I was born in Spring, so is it an opposite attraction thing? Just a thought. When I was younger, I thought I would like to live waaaay up North, with lots of snow. Now that I live a little further North......than the deep south....I have changed my mind. I love Fall, but Winter can be so harsh. Just a little snow is all I need. Kentucky is a beautiful state. I am happy here, would like to visit the East coast, though. I especially find the pictures of New England in the Fall breathe taking. One of my dream vacations would be to drive an SUV with a little camper up the coast and stop somewhere different every day, eat somewhere unheard of, shop at a mom and pop store, sit on the shore and talk to strangers, have no particular destination........definitely a dream. Retirement? Who knows, right? Back to the subject at hand, autumn, it is sooooo completely lovely. Nicole Nordeman sings a song about the seasons, one of my favorite songs, and she relates them to the seasons of our lives, parallel to the way we transform as human beings. I am amazed how God created EVERYTHING relative. She refers to Fall as a time of death, when leaves fall from the branches, grass dies (some say thank God for that!) But it awakens me, so strange. Maybe I look forward to some things fading away, and making room for new, who knows.  All I do know, is that deep orange, banana yellow, rustic red, they go so good together.

Juxtaposition

I just love this word. I wanna say it....a lot. It has several meanings, one is placing two things side by side, or the state of 2 things being close together. I like the meaning, too, mainly because it is something we humans all desire, closeness, to something, someone. I believe God put that innate longing in us, mainly for Him. Some of us spend a lifetime searching, and sometimes finding something or someone to be close to. Here's my question, can we be close to Him and the object we choose to yoke, all at the same time? Is the condition of the juxtaposition relative to our position? That just came right out of my head, whoa. Let me rephrase, is our relationship to our object relative to our closeness with Him? I think so. I am answering my own questions here. He wants us to be close to Him, yes, but He wants us to have good close relationships here on earth too, right? He is a jealous God, remember.........so how jealous. I think it was Paul who said that it would be better to be like him, meaning single I assume. I am sure, very sure this is a more dedicated way to live. I just couldn't. My instinctive desire to physically belong to someone is pretty strong. Yet, there are definite advantages to being single, spiritually speaking. The cares of life are completely altered once husbands and childen come along (singular on" husbands" for me!.) My prayer time now, honestly, is a sacrifice, when before, it came much easier. I am sure He understands, and hopefully takes in to account our responsibilites here on earth. After all, He allowed us these beautiful children, families, right?

Auto pilot

Isn't auto pilot a strange concept? What an ENORmous responibility to just turn over to machines! But we do it everyday, in a different way, in our own lives. Computers, phones, ipods, video games, television, movies. Our brains could be on autopilot every second if we wanted. Do we? I sometimes just want to turn everything off to hear the birds sing, insects chirp, wind blow, God speak. Our modern conveniences are awesome  tools for communication, and I couldn't imagine life without them. I just hope they don't overshadow my mind, who I really am. I struggle with quiet time. My world is hectic, even chaotic at times, so why would I ignore something that could guide me into the right decisions to make? I am just realizing where a lot of my stress comes from, it is simply confusion. Listening to music, when I should just find a place of peace/prayer. Nick laughs at me sometimes, because I am sitting in the bathtub at 2 in the afternoon. He says, "Having a bad day?" But it's my quiet/ me time. You gotta find it somewhere. Along with hearing God's voice, we may even hear our own. He made us in His image, so we should trust what he gave us, intuition/instinct. I was reading about the tsunami of '04, and how that few wild animals were killed. If that was true, why didn't people feel those same feelings of retreat? The scarry thing is, maybe they could have, but life is so distracting. Which makes me wonder, how is it worth it.......if it kills you.

Sometimes I feel like a hero, and sometimes I feel like a failure, and sometimes those two things collide.....and I feel nothing at all. Life is like that sometimes. You win some, you lose some, not sure who originally said that, but they are right. I just feel like I lose more than I win. I seek perfection, in a loose sense, like a clean house, etc. I just can't seem to get that one right. I know that in 20 yrs my children will not care how clean the house was, but whether there was love in it. I hope to fullfill the latter. I truly do love them, more than I even let myself realize sometimes, but I really do. That UB40 song, originally Elvis', I Can't Help Falling In Love With You was playing in the grocery store the other day, I was looking at Isabel, and that was just how I felt. I have fallen in love with my children, on top of the normal, instinctive "Mother" love. They are truly a beautiful gift from above, on loan from heaven. I know somewhere down the road they lose that angel status, but I am soaking it up for now. I just wish there was a handbook for children, my mistakes hurt me, and I just can't see the good in it. I've heard they need to see us make mistakes, so they know what to do, but what if we handle it wrong? Then they will handle it wrong. I just pray, God make them good in spite of me, in spite of my mistakes. I trust he will.

Is There Not A Cause?

I am starting out with something heavy. Commitment. How come it is so hard to grasp what this word involves? Why is it so much easier to let go, than to hold on for dear life. When speaking of marriage, I am disappointed by the quick to marry, quick to divorce people. It is a VOW!! Not many things in life take a vow to create. Some take signatures, or a quick, "Sure I can do that," but not a vow! Is that person worth a little effort? Are you? There are days when I could just run, just run and run until my legs give out, away from problems, away from life, but what a crazy thought! I honestly have the means, not many people do, to easily get a job far away with little effort, like Hawaii or Alaska. I am a nurse. But I have 3 beautiful children and a great family, so isn't it worth a little stress? Yes, it is. A while ago, we had a missionary come to our church and preach about David and Goliath. We church people know this story well, but he brought out something to me that day I had never  seen before ( The Word is that way.) He emphasized the phrase David said, "Is there not a cause?" Sure I have to fight a giant! But is there not a cause? A worthy reward? I just asked myself the same question, "Is it worth fighting for?" This life I have found myself in, my family I am blessed with? I had no hesitation in my answer, so I knew, it is worth it. Sometimes we can't see past the hurt and pain, and see the person hurting us as a human being that may be hurting too. Pray, pray for them. God tells us to love our enemies. Whoa, that means if we feel they have become our enemy, love them anyway!! Can't get out of that one so fast can we? Certainly there are situations that call for a different plan, like abuse, no one should accept abuse. But if things are just broken and seem unfixable, consider, "Is there not a cause?" 

The Beginning

What else could I write about but me? Coming from a mother's daughter who is totally realistic and true to life. I don't read much fiction, I want the real thing. I can imagine on my own, create a world and characters in a dream. But nothing matches real life and its rich (or poor) experiences. I want to hear what a real person has felt, seen, heard, smelt that I haven't had the joy (or sorrow) of feeling, seeing, hearing or smelling. I have always wanted to write a book. Something like, What I Know So Far, or Where I"ve Been, but I am just not that exciting or famous, nor is my life. But somewhere, someone may be in the same shoes I'm in, or maybe the same brand, and wish they knew the answer to the question, "How did She do it?" Well, here you go.