Sometimes I feel like a hero, and sometimes I feel like a failure, and sometimes those two things collide.....and I feel nothing at all. Life is like that sometimes. You win some, you lose some, not sure who originally said that, but they are right. I just feel like I lose more than I win. I seek perfection, in a loose sense, like a clean house, etc. I just can't seem to get that one right. I know that in 20 yrs my children will not care how clean the house was, but whether there was love in it. I hope to fullfill the latter. I truly do love them, more than I even let myself realize sometimes, but I really do. That UB40 song, originally Elvis', I Can't Help Falling In Love With You was playing in the grocery store the other day, I was looking at Isabel, and that was just how I felt. I have fallen in love with my children, on top of the normal, instinctive "Mother" love. They are truly a beautiful gift from above, on loan from heaven. I know somewhere down the road they lose that angel status, but I am soaking it up for now. I just wish there was a handbook for children, my mistakes hurt me, and I just can't see the good in it. I've heard they need to see us make mistakes, so they know what to do, but what if we handle it wrong? Then they will handle it wrong. I just pray, God make them good in spite of me, in spite of my mistakes. I trust he will.